I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
