i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
