This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Threesome in a minivan. New low
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Randomize
