In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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