DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
All I want is dick and wine.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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