I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
