Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
