Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
