apparently the secret to your success is patron
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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