I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
my god I love twenty year old dicks
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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