After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
