I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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