don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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