I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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