false alarm. still invincible.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
At least life still wants to fuck me.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
