He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
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