I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
