One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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