I wanna bring you to show and tell
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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