Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
can u get pink eye on your cock?
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
