i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
