In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
40s are totally the cure
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
