$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
