You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
