Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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