If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I just had sex on a roof
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
