that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
