he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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