Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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