they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
