It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
At least life still wants to fuck me.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
