My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Randomize
