I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
You ruined the universe
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
