I accidentally burped into my bong.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Randomize
