I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
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