omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
