I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
