fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
