Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
