I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
