Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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