I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
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