I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
