I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
My bed smells like the plague
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
