Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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