I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
