I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
i already hear my dad disowning me
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
