Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
