it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
