yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
