i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
