The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
