i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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